The sleeping giant

I am a sleeping giant dreaming a gnomes dream.
In this moment of my slumber do I toss and turn in wonder
I have yet to awake from this bad dream, blind to the hidden truth and unseen
But when I do awake, the earth will shake
All will see that I am not a gnome
But a giant well known

I am a giant but I am still asleep

U.S Citizen

It is coming very close, a day that my mom had anticipated since my birth. A day that will be a foothold to a future. I step that 1 out of 20 ever see. I am soon to become a citizen of the United States of America. The first in my geration, the foothold immigrant that started this future family. Out of my entire family I will be the first to become a citizen through naturalization. I am very happy, and I will hold proudly to that title...but sadly things are discouraging me. Like a man who runs to the finish line and holds onto his winning trophy, but then turns around and looks into the tired faces of the fellow athletes.

It really hurts me that the country that I may be stepping into will be one that is not at its best, but infact one that is falling apart. The ignorance sayings of stupid fellow men, the whitebreaded and trailer trash, the things they say about my people really just makes me want to throw down my trophy and not become a part of this ignorant society...make me want to walk away and search for a loving country. But America is all that there is, it is the city in the hills granting light to others that they may follow to one day to become a city in the hills. I cannot walk away from these ignorant people...whether I want to or not I must face them and show them that they are damned wrong! That there are mexicans, much more mexicans who love this country! In fact we betrayed mexico the moment we chose citizenship here. We work hard, take the backslashes for a 10% possibility that our children will have better lives. I love this country even if it is to fall apart, I love the original foundations that our forefathers believed in. I just don't like the current politics behind it, I don't like how republicans are supporting a hate bill towards immigrants, and how democrats are so liberal. I don't like that God has to be put away, yet we put ourselves in his place of priority. I want to see change in this country, I want to see a greater future for my children. And I want to be one to create the change. 

I am soon to be a Us citizen, and my new pursuit will be to surpass the common US citizen and show them that a brownskin did it.

To my white, non-blood related, often careless, procrastinating, smoker, step-father

It is father's day today and all I got you was a card with some writing. But to express myself deeper I am going to write a blog instead...here we go...

I remember the first time we met it was shortly before Easter and we were still living in Oma's house. I had just started going to Dover Elementary for pre-k. Mom had met you in Harry's Restraunt in downton  Plant City.  My earliest memory of you was a stuffed bunny you got me and how much I thought it was so cool (toy fanatic). Within a few months had passed by and we moved into your home, I loved that house so much. And soon after you and mom got married and so on. But looking back at our history and if I had to describe the experience of having you as my step-father from then until now it would be this...grateful. Never could I have wished for such a great dad, a patient, love filled, fun dad. Even though when I refer to you directly I had never once called you "father" or even "dad" once.

You were always Steve to me. But when I speak to others about you, I am always happy to call you my father. Without you in our lives there would be no us. There would be no family, Carlos would of struggled with education and I would of most likely been involved with gangs or just simply miserable because of our home situation. But I am grateful that you took us in . You were patient with us and with our mom (even a saint couldn't do that) and in my heart I believe you put up with it because of how much love you had in us..that we were worth it. As I grow I continue to know just how grateful I am to have you. And now with tough times affecting our family, I am still amazed just how much faith you have in the Lord. And your faith encourages me to push on my own because there is obviously something driving you to do it. So regardless of any title thrown at you, whether non-blooded or fat or even step-father. In truth you are always going to be my father and my only father. Because on father's day (despite the comercialization of the holiday) you are the only reason we are celebrating it, and thats a great reason.

       From your son, Marco

Murset's letter to his father..

Why did you have to stay behind? Why is it that we weren't worth coming after? You were warned by mom...but you laughed...because you were a coward. So I remained introverted for so many years..spoke not a word to anyone. Remained separated from the closeness of society. I was thrown to the back of the room, and naturally became an observer of all the people. I saw with my eyes how foolish they were and walked futher back to avoid their iniquity.

Today I seem to be no different then when I first left you..What if you had came? Maybe things could be better...maybe it would of been hell, but I at least I would find a sense of identity in you! Maybe I would of seen the world better, maybe I would have learned so much more as a teacher to your own son! but that never happened. Now I have to create my own idenetity, maybe a new name. But if you really want to know about me, we're all doing great.

We are living an American dream thanks to mom.I have my own bedroom, I am so blessed. I love my family so much, mom did so much for us. I'm not sure if I will ever know you well, not sure if I will fully understand myself likewise....we hardly can speak to each other in a correct language for goodness sake.

 You do not deserve a son's love according to logic. But emotionally I can't help myself but to call you father. If you want to do something for me then do this one thing. To stay alive until I reach the age of 25. So you can see that I have outlived you, that I have surpassed you multiple times. So maybe when I do see you again, I can say "I forgive you father. The curse is broken" and maybe for once I could hear the sweet words of , such an American cliche "I'm proud of you, son". Because when I become a father, I will be more of a father to my son then you ever were to me.

But this is just a letter, a letter that will not make it to you in fathers day...

Sincerely, your broken son

Dear my beloved Author

Why couldn't you,  Author of my life, have written a loving, peaceful, happily ever after-story? Rather than a painful, complicated, stumbling, consistant long lasting trial in which the character ultimately die. Why is it that the rich seem more favored by You in getting the good parts of the story rather then the poor? Are you a Marxist? Please oh so ever lasting Author, please start a new chapter of my life where is doesn't suck! Like maybe a new journey this summer that suddenly gets me to where I actually want to be! Is that too hard for You?! As an Protagonist-I demand it! Please do not become my Antagonist. You do this, then you will be my own Protagonist.

"I knew you"

To the girl who will never know me:


                                                         I knew You

I had always known you. Yet you never knew me



I've known your name and who you were, much longer then those who claim to be your "Besties"...

I knew you before you ever had your first drink, before you ever knew the real meaning of "how to party"

Before you ever learned how to laugh, before you ever joined the those cheerleaders preps

I knew you before the contacts, before you ever wore make up, before you enjoyed tanning

I knew you way before you looked at me and said "Aren't you that guy who went out with that one girl"...Yes I knew you well then


I've known of you before you were ever recognized as a person, before you were in your intellect world…(which even now I still secretly see you hiding it)


I knew you when we were in 7th grade, when we had science class together

Oh I still knew you even when you were in your little box of anti-social, before you ever decided to stand up straight... Yes I knew you

I knew you when you didn't exist

I knew you when you were quiet and isolated

I knew you when you were invisible to everyone’s eyes

I even knew you when you had that disgusting thing of a boyfriend named "Ben" which he was one disturbing child (why the hell did you go out with him in the first place?)

I knew you when no one dare came near you because they thought you were strange

I knew you when books became your only hobby

...I knew you when you didn't even know yourself.



And here I am today, still as distance as before, still observing our paths that we've taken. Yet I still wished that our worlds had collide earlier, since they never have. (maybe things would of turned out great.)
We were only two rings scraping against each other, we were worlds touching but never colliding or interconnecting. But I have always watched from a distance, watched how we grew up.

I always had thought even before the world had ever known of you, even before you had a name, I had always thought...you were kind of cute
I really did like you and had a major crush on you in 7thgrade.
Whether in PE or in our science classes, I really did like you and I wanted to know more of who you were.


I knew you when our 8th grade began, I remembered that day you came in:
no glasses
walking upright
hair neaten up
cheeks plumped up
Make up on
you were so beautiful and caught the eyes of many but at the same time I felt sad.


After awhile you were brought to life. People saw who you were, they asked silly questions as though they never knew you...but I did.
And as our worlds moved farther away, we never had the chance to know each other. And just like you were invisible in 6 and 7th grade, neither did I exist to you at all in 8th and 9th grade.
And even now I'm still a ghost. When you emerged out of your path you became someone else just like I have came out as a different person.
Now at this hour of who I see you, I wonder if I know who this person is that you have become.
I'm not sure if I know you so much anymore.

My former crush, even before you ever existed, we never had once collided, and I doubt we ever will.



                                                  Sincerely your old, longtime,  invisible friend.

 
 
((I wrote this March 21st, 2009. But revisioned it today))