Unworthy

I don't deserve you

It's what I often think about when I ponder our future

I have a left eye filled with a limitless hunger

And a wicked heart that wavers easily with emotion

Both caged, both contained, both unable to be allowed to freely exist

This curse I have brought upon myself with years and years of sin

Oh how I wish I could remove them both

Words unspoken, words never said but filled with saturated truth
I wish I could love you as I had them

I wish I could love you as you have me

I wish I could love you as I do her

I wish I could love you as you deserve

But the heart is wicked, and with my mind I love

All I ask is that the past be forgotten

That I may never ask of the what ifs 

The what whens

The what hows

The what or's 

The what nows

I cannot love you with all my heart

For it's an untamed beast, hungering to consume all

So many people exist, so many pathways to explore

So many possibilities, so many chances at happiness

So many potentials, so many truths

To allow it free will surely be my fall

And so I pledge I will spend each day loving you as you deserve

Pledge each day filling your seconds with joy

Pledge each day reminding you how important you are

Pledge each day becoming worth your love

Left eye left eye may I please remove you?

Stabbing into the socket, pulling you out

Left eye left eye you carry my curse

A sin that's fed and only made worse

May I someday accept the joys of life

And my heart never filled with strife

May I someday be worthy

With a heart that may be set free

May I someday love you with all my being

And spend the rest of my years believing 

To N Love

Left eyes and Emotional Hearts

I often wonder about the what-ifs, though I would rather not bother and keep looking forward. Yet it is hard to turn away when I'm filled with delusions that there's potential there. Someone so deserving of love and yet has been absent from it for years, someone so beautiful with their own sense of charms with a set of traditional values any good American could appreciate.

I often wonder what would have happened if I had taken that job if I perhaps hadn't found another before I saw you. I once described you as the sunshine of the day, ever bright, ever beaming with radiating joy, it was so hard not to love you and the same not to fall in love with you. I'm not saying I do but...there's at times I feel my heart rushing at the thought of you. I wish...I wish you would find someone worth loving and who could love you the same deservingly. Someone like you shouldn't be alone, someone like you deserve to be loved.

Even after years has gone by it still beats as if you were just here yesterday. It still speaks poetically to your name to the way you smile, the way you beam with joy, it's hard to see this horribly broken world when you're standing in front of me. There is reassurance in it, comfort and a deep sense of peace for the one who stands behind you is even greater. And you make that very evident.

But I cannot and should not, it's within the left eye that I can't trust- the heart that I hold contain for it runs purely on emotions and sways very easily as the leaves do. Leaving me with my mind, we cannot be together for anything built on betrayal will result in a cursed foundation, lacking every blessing and scowled by the very eyes of Heaven. So please find someone soon to love so that I may finally close this door and let go to never love you again.

To Kristina M, the sunshine of the day