2009, you were expected to be a kind year to me. But instead I faced brutal hate and disappointment from both my friends and my family. See I was excited because this was to be the last year of my public school life and an expected smooth transition into a great college life. But look at the end result, I am neither happy or sucessful. And if you recall what my mom had done to me not so long ago, you would know that it was anything but a pleasen trip. Not only did my own family push me away but even my bestfriends since middle school turned thier betrwayed me, finding a more suited face to replace, only to later be backslashed from the one they called "thier love". And after I graduated highschool...oh thats when things almost got out of hand. After working for over a month I came to see myself coming short handed to living in Chicago. Had to throw my plans out the window and worked for a couple of more months, hoping that maybe I will see Columbia Chicago College soon enough. Recalling the pleasent memories in the city with shoulders. Yes I believe in truth that in the 4 days of being in chicago was the closest I have ever felt to happiness in a very long time. But little was my fortune and so I returned without eye contact and without a mope. But to summarize this altogether 2009, you created separation from my family and beloved bestfriends, you shattered dreams and once lasting hope, and most of all you have shown me where the world has placed me- in the lowest of very lows where even outcasts are stuck up before me.
So lets hope this year may be different, lets hope I will see Chicago once again, that smiles will be my common expression. And may God give me a better obsession or better yet a soon to be wife. I don't want to see 2009 in my long life time, ever again. Because if 2010 is as the same, then closer is my life to an end.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
My two strange dreams
I have been having strange dreams lately, mainly two that really caught my attention.
In the first dream, I was working at a retail store at the mall and caught two black young teenage kids shop lifting. I presented them to my boss and he called security and was going to have them both arrested for theft. The kids tried to run away but I threw them back into the room and locked them inside. The young teenagers must of had allot of friends because within 2 minutes a multitude of young black teenagers raided the store over hundreds of them. I guess they all must of been in a gang. There was so many of them that they overran our store took out my boss and security officers. But they were really after me, supposibly I insulted the young kids, I did put on a fight knocking several down but there was too many of them. Once they got me down about a dozen of them literally picked me up and carried me outside and I believe they were about to execute me. But right as they pulled me outside the door I saw a few glaring angry faces them turn into smiles. In fact I knew these guys who were smiling, they were from my urban younglife group and a few from my wyldlife group. They began greeting me in a friendly way because of the good affect I had on them, in the good a brought to them. They began talking to the other guys around them telling them not to execute thier friend (me) But as they held me to the ground, a great dispute emerged and there was a sudden riot over if I should live or die, the huge group split at that moment. Then I woke up
My second dream was rather more unusual. For some reason I was living back at mexico in my hometown. I was working for this huge supermarket that actually does exist called "Soriana". I guess I was a bagger boy or something. I was walking to work but unlike my actual memory of my hometown Matamoros, there were more larger buildings like those that you would see in a big city. The buildings were destroyed though, holes were in them. I looked at the school buildings and you could seee walls wide open throughout the multistory building. My city looked like it had gone through a war, every building was severely damaged. But there was allot of traffic and busy streets. I then turned a corner only to see a group of young adult thugs surrounding a car, they were on a street that bordered the beach. Then one of them pulled out a pistol and must of noticed my expression when I saw it. He gave me a menacing look because he knew I was not a part of thier group. The other guys also noticed me and began making threatening gestures, I kept my face straight but with a more serious look. As I turned and began walking on the beaches sidewalk, a man came behind me and pistol whip me in the back of the head. I tumble down the hill but laid there for awhile just so they can get off my back, because I knew exactly what they would do if they saw me get up too fast, they would shoot at me. As I slowly got up I heard gun shots being fired across the other side of the sidewalks then the guys behind me began firing back at them. I knew I needed to get off the cross air or else I too would be shot. It was a fight between two gangs and not long after the police showed up at the scene. The guys behind me began shooting at me thinking that I was part of the opposing gang, the cops shot a few rounds at me thinking I was in one of the two gangs since I was a young adult also. And the other gang shot at me thinking I was of the opposing gang. But the fight strictly held between all three of them . I soon found cover out in the wooden docks of the beach, where I watched this violence fight occurin out near the parking lot of the beach. All three groups seemed to be off my back and some girl about my age was also near the docks watching with me as this was all occuring. We began briefly talking but I couldn't recall our conversation word by word. After awhile I checked the time again, It was getting late I needed to be at work. So I said goodbye to the woman, rushed across the beach taking cover at some points, until I finally made it out of the gunfiring street. I made it to work at the huge supermarket. I woke up right after.
Interesting dreams, sure to have some kind of subconcience symbolism behind it. Both involving work and young adults fighting. If this is a premonition, something unwelcoming is to occur. But its just another dream to me.
In the first dream, I was working at a retail store at the mall and caught two black young teenage kids shop lifting. I presented them to my boss and he called security and was going to have them both arrested for theft. The kids tried to run away but I threw them back into the room and locked them inside. The young teenagers must of had allot of friends because within 2 minutes a multitude of young black teenagers raided the store over hundreds of them. I guess they all must of been in a gang. There was so many of them that they overran our store took out my boss and security officers. But they were really after me, supposibly I insulted the young kids, I did put on a fight knocking several down but there was too many of them. Once they got me down about a dozen of them literally picked me up and carried me outside and I believe they were about to execute me. But right as they pulled me outside the door I saw a few glaring angry faces them turn into smiles. In fact I knew these guys who were smiling, they were from my urban younglife group and a few from my wyldlife group. They began greeting me in a friendly way because of the good affect I had on them, in the good a brought to them. They began talking to the other guys around them telling them not to execute thier friend (me) But as they held me to the ground, a great dispute emerged and there was a sudden riot over if I should live or die, the huge group split at that moment. Then I woke up
My second dream was rather more unusual. For some reason I was living back at mexico in my hometown. I was working for this huge supermarket that actually does exist called "Soriana". I guess I was a bagger boy or something. I was walking to work but unlike my actual memory of my hometown Matamoros, there were more larger buildings like those that you would see in a big city. The buildings were destroyed though, holes were in them. I looked at the school buildings and you could seee walls wide open throughout the multistory building. My city looked like it had gone through a war, every building was severely damaged. But there was allot of traffic and busy streets. I then turned a corner only to see a group of young adult thugs surrounding a car, they were on a street that bordered the beach. Then one of them pulled out a pistol and must of noticed my expression when I saw it. He gave me a menacing look because he knew I was not a part of thier group. The other guys also noticed me and began making threatening gestures, I kept my face straight but with a more serious look. As I turned and began walking on the beaches sidewalk, a man came behind me and pistol whip me in the back of the head. I tumble down the hill but laid there for awhile just so they can get off my back, because I knew exactly what they would do if they saw me get up too fast, they would shoot at me. As I slowly got up I heard gun shots being fired across the other side of the sidewalks then the guys behind me began firing back at them. I knew I needed to get off the cross air or else I too would be shot. It was a fight between two gangs and not long after the police showed up at the scene. The guys behind me began shooting at me thinking that I was part of the opposing gang, the cops shot a few rounds at me thinking I was in one of the two gangs since I was a young adult also. And the other gang shot at me thinking I was of the opposing gang. But the fight strictly held between all three of them . I soon found cover out in the wooden docks of the beach, where I watched this violence fight occurin out near the parking lot of the beach. All three groups seemed to be off my back and some girl about my age was also near the docks watching with me as this was all occuring. We began briefly talking but I couldn't recall our conversation word by word. After awhile I checked the time again, It was getting late I needed to be at work. So I said goodbye to the woman, rushed across the beach taking cover at some points, until I finally made it out of the gunfiring street. I made it to work at the huge supermarket. I woke up right after.
Interesting dreams, sure to have some kind of subconcience symbolism behind it. Both involving work and young adults fighting. If this is a premonition, something unwelcoming is to occur. But its just another dream to me.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Rough Draft part 2
Now I am planning on not just setting up a rough draft but chronologically listing in order( or making a playlist) of all the soundtracks for each fictional written story. I am a strange thinker, I can listen to music and come up with a story. Right now I have several songs that (in my phychotic mind set) stores stories in them. In example:" Muse- Butterflies and Hurricanes", stores scenes from WWR or World War of Religion." Linkin Park- Numb" contains an ending scene for War of the future (must come up with better title), also associates with the Thorner Theory. "Chevelle- Another know it all", is strictly the Thorner theory. Korn's album "Issues" covers all of the Devil's Virus, and some reused for Murset's testimony. This blog maybe just another strict reminder for myself yet again possibly amusing an unexisting audience which only adds on to the phychoticness of my mind. And if you did not understand a single thing in this blog, then I'm sure to find a great future career. So who likes cats?
Thursday, December 17, 2009
The Departure of Burrito and Musou
To Musou, Jake
It was a great time that me and you shared, we were middle school kids when we met and grew up together.
We wronged each other but always remained friends
We fought along side of each other...in multiplayer online roleplaying games and of course we would always loose
But even after a loss we still chuckeled and laugh our guts off and for many years did we did so.
There was not really ever a second when we were ever bored.
Often we would have fun but eventually stop after something breaks or one of us gets injured.
Such we would play as: Donkey kong toss, dodge the trash can lid, AOL CD fights, Balloon gun fihgts, trampoline fights with many painful items, kick the man in the box, skateboarding, jumping down buildings and etc.
But we both had our own ways, I grew up and graduated from highschool in pursuing college
But you grew older, dropped out and pursuing a low settlement in life.
I chose the bumpy in ridged road, but you chose the easier and carefree one.
I grew paranoid and you teased more about my paranoia
I began gaining an obsession for british rock but became aggrovated by rap
And who would know that you began liking rap but hating british rock
I did things because I would rather be real to myself then a fake
You did things because you wanted the false exceptance, not because it was you
We were bestfriends despite of our growing differences
And now at this split road that both you and me have encountered, I guess its best to say goodbye old pal
I had a great life sharing with you, regardless of how anti-heterosexual that may sound.
But we will still continue to share our obsession with Hagrid of harry potter.
Japanese bands of Buono, Perfume, C-ute, Miki fujimoto, and of course Maki goto.
With asian games that no one likes to play. Creative inventions that may never come to life. And of course Joshes mom who we can't stop talking about even if its infront of Josh.
Its funny that we both met after we witness a boy getting beaten up infront of us, that boy getting beaten up was possibly one of the best things that we are thankful for. But now the Burrito and Musou friendship has come to an end. But please dear pal never forget these words of our own language: Major bedhead, spider sausages, Murloc babies, Muddpuppies, gerbils, shady sailors and squirm squirm squirm.
With love Burrito, Marco
It was a great time that me and you shared, we were middle school kids when we met and grew up together.
We wronged each other but always remained friends
We fought along side of each other...in multiplayer online roleplaying games and of course we would always loose
But even after a loss we still chuckeled and laugh our guts off and for many years did we did so.
There was not really ever a second when we were ever bored.
Often we would have fun but eventually stop after something breaks or one of us gets injured.
Such we would play as: Donkey kong toss, dodge the trash can lid, AOL CD fights, Balloon gun fihgts, trampoline fights with many painful items, kick the man in the box, skateboarding, jumping down buildings and etc.
But we both had our own ways, I grew up and graduated from highschool in pursuing college
But you grew older, dropped out and pursuing a low settlement in life.
I chose the bumpy in ridged road, but you chose the easier and carefree one.
I grew paranoid and you teased more about my paranoia
I began gaining an obsession for british rock but became aggrovated by rap
And who would know that you began liking rap but hating british rock
I did things because I would rather be real to myself then a fake
You did things because you wanted the false exceptance, not because it was you
We were bestfriends despite of our growing differences
And now at this split road that both you and me have encountered, I guess its best to say goodbye old pal
I had a great life sharing with you, regardless of how anti-heterosexual that may sound.
But we will still continue to share our obsession with Hagrid of harry potter.
Japanese bands of Buono, Perfume, C-ute, Miki fujimoto, and of course Maki goto.
With asian games that no one likes to play. Creative inventions that may never come to life. And of course Joshes mom who we can't stop talking about even if its infront of Josh.
Its funny that we both met after we witness a boy getting beaten up infront of us, that boy getting beaten up was possibly one of the best things that we are thankful for. But now the Burrito and Musou friendship has come to an end. But please dear pal never forget these words of our own language: Major bedhead, spider sausages, Murloc babies, Muddpuppies, gerbils, shady sailors and squirm squirm squirm.
With love Burrito, Marco
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