Musing about Marriage

"I may now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your yet to come wife"

I hate thinking too ahead of myself...but today I was thinking of my future as a husband. Honestly since I was very young (about 4 years old)  it was always something I wanted to be. I mean the idea of being a husband and committed into a marriage with my wife was not scarey idea but rather something I love to imagine. But what did scare me was who the wife was going to be. Strange isn't it? A guy thinking these thoughts, but apparently I was created differently and thats just who I am.

It does scare me and I did have dreams of marrying the wrong woman. I remember a rather clear dream of where I had woken up to a new day only to realize it was my wedding day. We were at the church and I was dressed in my tux and everybody in my family was there to watch including the family of the bride (in this dream it my ex from long ago) As I waited at the alter, the "Bride's march" music began playing by an orchestra.  I was excited and happy I then get a whisper in my ear, the man told me that my bride was nowhere to be found and had most likely ran away. Still the reception was held at my fathers old house and both of our family was there in disappointed and as they continued saying thier sorrys I sat there broken hearted and felt abandoned. After that all I remember was me eventually getting drunk and passing out. So as you may see I fear rejection.

My other dream was different. It was my wedding day and I was miserable, we shared our vowels at an alter of flaming burning hell. I really did not want to marry this bride and attempted to run away several times. But some how I was stuck and couldn't runaway from the alter. I said my vowels falsely and attending the reception which was held alongside of a lake. I was still miserable and knew I had made a huge mistake. As an attempt to drown out these thoughts I eventually consumed large amounts of alchohol and eventually said a bit too much about the bride. Some vulgure statements, and a few truthful remarks. lol All I remember was that I was being chased by my new in laws, I was running and laughing. Then a whole bunch of unrelated events occured and I woke up soon after. One of my funniest dreams I must say. Mainpoint is that I don't want to marry someone who I know is wrong for me.

Still I am ever so cautious in my choosing or even pursuing of anyone. Also I have but another 40 years of life to look for her. Even if I do not know her yet I still pray for her just as I did when I was younger. Truth is God has someone planned for me (I hope) and who better to trust then a man who knows everything about me. But thats just another thought, I'm still young and have allot to pursue. Its a thought for now but when the wedding day does come, may God be fully in it.